Sunday, July 24, 2011

Waiting Again

by Sarah

In case this is your first time reading our blog, let me catch you up to speed. We are facing changes in three areas:
  • New job
  • New home
  • New baby
We've been living in a constant state of flux, wondering which of these three areas would unfold first.  Would we find a job, move and have a baby?  Would we move, have a baby and find a job?  and so on.  (Take note that the math teacher in me is being held in check,  not divulging all of the different permutations this situation provides.)

So all summer we've been waiting.  Waiting for a job.  Waiting for direction.  Waiting for August 3rd when our baby would be born.  Waiting... waiting...waiting.

After the disappointing news of not getting a job we had hoped for, we regrouped and moved forward.  We decided to stay in the area and to pursue moving into a house some good friends of ours had offered.  Suddenly, we had focus.  THIS was something we could pour our energy into.  We had packing and painting to do.  We were eager to get things in order before the baby's arrival, and we thought we had plenty of time.

We were wrong.

Tuesday morning, July 19th, (yes, that is 15 days before my August 3rd due date) my water broke.  I had not even packed a bag.  After so many days of Steven and I being together all the time,on this day, he was about 30 minutes away, working on the house.  I was a little panicked, but it all worked out.  A few hours later, we were thrilled that, at least in one area, our wait was finally was over.  Levi James had arrived!

We are flexible people.  The early arrival of our son did not throw us off.  It is inconvenient that the hospital is 35 minutes from our home, but we expected the inconvenience to only last a couple of days until I came home with the baby.  We could handle a couple of days of driving back and forth and solving the puzzle of where the children should go and when.

Everything changed when Levi had to be admitted in the NICU on July 21st, the day we were scheduled to come home.  I was discharged; he was not.

Now our situation is not as dire as some other families; we did not leave wondering if our son would live or die.  His condition was relatively routine; he just needed more time to be ready to go home.  Even still, leaving that hospital empty-handed was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  As I was wheeled to the front doors, I literally struggled to breathe.

Levi has now been in the NICU four days.  And again I'm back to waiting.

We've spent the last four days making multiple trips to the hospital (which hasn't moved any closer to our home) each day.  Everyday we have to figure out the questions of when should we go and what should we do with the other kids.  There's other stuff in life that needs to be done (laundry, grocery shopping, packing to move), but nothing seems as important as being at the hospital with Levi, waiting by his bed, watching him sleep.

And so we wait.  We're waiting to hear that his bilirubin has come down.  We're waiting to hear that he is digesting food like he's supposed to.  We're waiting to hear that he can come home.

When I examine how I'm walking this one out, I see that I have not learned my lesson of how to wait peacefully yet. This is much worse than waiting to hear about a job or about where we might live.  And some days, I'm certainly not the picture of faith.  But, what else can I do?  I cry and I pray.  I trust God and tell him how much I want my baby to come home.  And then I just wait.

7 comments:

  1. Sarah I can even imagine what you must be going through. Praying that you feel the peace and comfort of our Father's arms wrapping around you when you are at your wits end and that he lays his healing hand on Levi so he can come home soon.

    Michelle Keiser Taylor

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  2. I enjoy your blog so much. You are all in my prayers. My love to Steve and please tell Judy hello for me when whe arrives. I will never know how people exist and get through without God in their lives. Peace to you all.

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  3. Sarah, I know you don't know me, but as I read your blog today, I could relate to your pain. Our oldest son, Daniel had to stay at the hospital after he was born due to the same thing, and it was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do... going home without him. God give you strength as you wait.. Love and Prayers, Rachel

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  4. I have prayed and will continue to do so. By the grace of God your baby will be home soon. God didn't want you to move until this was over. He is watching over you and the baby. Love, Jane

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  5. Sarah, Im in the DR and just got online to find out that Levi was born and yet working hard to get out of the NICU. What hospital is he in? I worked low those many years at Methodist Medical Center in the NICU.
    You and Levi are in our prayers.

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  6. Steven & SarahJuly 25, 2011 at 4:31 PM

    Whitney, I've been thinking I should talk to you! Levi is at Arlington Memorial. It seems he is on the mend now. He went in initially with breathing issues. (Excuse my lack of correct medical terminology) His breathing at 80 when it's supposed to be at 40 (?). This I guess was due to a virus that he may have been exposed to during delivery, right? Anyway, he was on antibiotics. Then when that got calmed down, his bilirubin shot up to over 16. Now it is on its way down and he is getting more alert and gaining his appetite. Hopefully he'll be home in a couple more days. We appreciate your prayers!

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  7. Wish I could come down there and help you out... with moving, with the children, etc. So glad Steven's mom came. I'll just send my virtual hugs and real prayers! :) love you.

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