Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Killed By Anticipation

I was never fanatic about paintball, as some are.  But I did enjoy playing it when I could - years ago.  I loved the thrill of hunting down my enemies and the satisfaction of "killing" them before being shot myself.  In this game of Hide and Seek that my friends and I would engage in, there was one aspect I never got accustomed to, one part of the game that racked my nerves.  That is, I hated waiting.  Sure, I enjoyed searching for opposing combatants.  I even enjoyed finding and maneuvering into the perfect hiding place.  But once I was in position, I couldn't stand the wait.  No matter how hidden or covered, I always felt so vulnerable.  After mere seconds I would get antsy and restless.  I thought for sure that the enemies knew my spot and were just messing with my head for a while before they would sneak up and splatter me with paint.  Yep, that was my downfall.  I would usually end up stirring and eventually leaving my place, only then making myself a real target.  Oh well, it was only a game.

Of course, in real life I don't like waiting much either.  Especially when I feel that I'm just waiting for something bad to happen - like being shot.  Game Over. 

Most recently, however, I haven't been waiting for something bad to happen.  I've been anticipating something great to happen.  This job that my wife and I interviewed for last weekend was a very exciting prospect.  For us, this potential opportunity has been so much more than just a steady source of income (although that was a part of it).  I have never seen a church like this one.  The staff culture, the values and vision, the high caliber of excellence mixed with mercy were just a few of the qualities that appealed to my wife and I.  We thought we were a good fit for this small-group pastoral position.  Moreover, it was in the St. Louis area of Missouri (close to much-loved family) and the timing couldn't have been more perfect.  But lo, it was not meant to be.  I received a phone call this morning from the Executive Pastor expressing his gratitude for our willingness to go through the extensive interview process, "but we've decided to go in a different direction," he said.  And with those words, I knew that what seemed to be a God-door had just closed on our noses.

This news is very fresh and still stings so I will spare everyone from rants and useless venting.  Nevertheless, I wanted to inform those who have been tracking our blog of the results of our weekend, but also express some thoughts and feelings that I hope transcend the initial letdown.

First, we know that God is good and faithful.  We are still His children and He is still our Heavenly Father who is in control; He is the Lord of our path. 

Second, we still admire the church that happens to be the source of our immediate disappointment.  We said all along that we were learning stuff from them and that with or without a job offer we have no regrets.

Last (for now), we know that we have so many great family members and friends that have been praying for us and are walking through this season with us - even feeling our sorrow today in light of this morning's news.  For you, we are so grateful to God.  Thanks for your love and friendship.

So here we are again- waiting.  And though it certainly doesn't always seem or feel like it, we know that God is waiting with us; He is near.


  1. Prayers for your family. May the Lord be near you as you seek His will for your lives.

  2. Both Sarah and you have expressed so beautifully this whole process. I know it has to hurt, but the words you have spoken are confessions of truth that the Lord is going to honor, and I believe that sting will be gone very soon as you begin to see new life and new opportunities just around the corner. It truly is a blessing to be walking with you in this journey. If there is anything that Walmir and I can do to help in terms of references, we will be the first to jump up and shout that we know you will bless others wherever you go!

    Jen and Val

  3. Well I agree waiting is no fun and I will just hurt along with you in the immediate disappointment---but appreciate your faith and your words. And just continue to worship while you wait. Praying for the entire family.

  4. Well, I guess this baby will be born in Dallas. and you don't have to change the name of the blog. (trying to be positive here.)
    hugs from the harts!! :)

  5. I don't know what to say except I'm sorry.

  6. our prayers are with you and your family...things will turn out for the best...they always do!

  7. Standing with you and Sarah at this time and praying that peace that passess every understanding will rest upon you both and the children. It is well and the job mapped for you will surface in His name.