Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Worst Part

Waiting is the worst part.  Or maybe not knowing is the worst part.  Either way, this stinks.

Still no change on the securing a job thing or on the moving thing or on the naming the baby thing that I discussed in a previous post.  However, things are progressing, and it appears we will have a bit more clarity soon.  We believe we may even have some answers within the next two weeks (not on the baby name, but on the other two).

A few days ago, we learned that Steven has advanced to what seems to be the final stages of the hiring process at a church.  We started down this path months ago, and it is exciting that it's finally winding down.  As this end approaches, however, I have mixed emotions.

The competitive part of me wants to win.  I want Steven to rise to the top of all the applicants and get the prize, be the champ.  (I'm not claiming this is a righteous part of me; I'm just being honest.)  Additionally, there's a part of me that wants the security this job seems to offer.  We would have a steady income and know what part of the country we would be moving to.  A job and an narrowed area for us to live.  Sounds ideal!

Of course, I have to think everything through.  I have to ask, "I wonder how soon they would want us?"  "Would we move before the baby is born or wait until after?"  "When would we look for a house?" "Which would be worse:  moving across the country while 9 months pregnant or moving across the country with a newborn?"  Understandably, Steven tires of my questions.

Then there's the other part of me.  The part that wonders, what if we don't get it?  What if there's another applicant who is just as perfect for the job as Steven, and they decide to go with him instead?  What if they tell us, "No."?  Then what?

I've been putting this one job as THE possibility that is in front of us.  What will I do if this door closes?  Suddenly, our backup plan looks a bit anemic.  It actually looks a little scary.  I know I will still hope in the Lord, but what does that look like?  Do we keep looking for a ministry job or just settle for whatever we can get?  Should we move into a rental house in the Dallas area and assume we'll be here for a bit longer, or do we continue to be in this transitional mindset we've been enduring for the past months/years?  I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

Yeah, waiting AND not knowing are definitely the worst parts.



  1. As I face a transition of my own...I understand this feeling. I was just talking to my mom this morning about needing the health insurance that a steady job would provide and she said, "What if God wants you to stay home? Would you be willing to do it?" Wow...what a question?! Of course, I would, but my human assumption would be that if God wanted me to stay home, he would clarify that by providing us the security of health insurance therefore settling the entire issue with a bow on top! Not trying to put parameters on God, but seeking the right answer and apprehensive that I will miss it. :)

  2. now I'm really curious... WHERE is this potential new job???? Someplace closer to us? That would be wonderful!
    Praying with you that the right doors will open.

  3. Your openness is refreshing Sarah.