Dear God,
I know I've been asking you for awhile now to give Steven a job. I just wanted to take a minute to thank you for NOT answering my prayer.
If Steven had started a new job, he might not have been able to stay with me at the hospital when our baby was born. He might have had to work rather than staying with me at the NICU as we waited for our son to come home.
With the pressure of employment, Steven would not have been able to put in all the hours necessary to work on the house so we could move in. Our move certainly would have been delayed, and the unpacking and settling-in would not yet be done.
Yes, I can see how it has been best that he has been unemployed. You had it worked out all along.
Usually I associate unemployment with lack and despair. But not now. You have met our every need, and then some we weren't even asking for. Thanks for the house that is big enough for our family to spread out a bit. Thanks for giving us a refrigerator and a washer and dryer before we even moved in. Thanks for providing for movers to get all our stuff moved on one of the hottest days of the year. Thanks for giving us a whole new living room full of furniture so we can offer people a place to sit when they come over to visit. You have blessed us in so many ways; I'm overwhelmed with gratitude.
Now that the baby is home and healthy and the home improvement projects are done enough for us to live comfortably, I'm tempted to worry and fret, thinking that now would be a good time for a paycheck to start. But I've learned that I don't always have the best perspective and that you don't need a paycheck to provide for your children. We're committed to follow wherever you lead. You are always faithful.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Waiting Again
by Sarah
In case this is your first time reading our blog, let me catch you up to speed. We are facing changes in three areas:
So all summer we've been waiting. Waiting for a job. Waiting for direction. Waiting for August 3rd when our baby would be born. Waiting... waiting...waiting.
After the disappointing news of not getting a job we had hoped for, we regrouped and moved forward. We decided to stay in the area and to pursue moving into a house some good friends of ours had offered. Suddenly, we had focus. THIS was something we could pour our energy into. We had packing and painting to do. We were eager to get things in order before the baby's arrival, and we thought we had plenty of time.
We were wrong.
Tuesday morning, July 19th, (yes, that is 15 days before my August 3rd due date) my water broke. I had not even packed a bag. After so many days of Steven and I being together all the time,on this day, he was about 30 minutes away, working on the house. I was a little panicked, but it all worked out. A few hours later, we were thrilled that, at least in one area, our wait was finally was over. Levi James had arrived!
We are flexible people. The early arrival of our son did not throw us off. It is inconvenient that the hospital is 35 minutes from our home, but we expected the inconvenience to only last a couple of days until I came home with the baby. We could handle a couple of days of driving back and forth and solving the puzzle of where the children should go and when.
Everything changed when Levi had to be admitted in the NICU on July 21st, the day we were scheduled to come home. I was discharged; he was not.
Now our situation is not as dire as some other families; we did not leave wondering if our son would live or die. His condition was relatively routine; he just needed more time to be ready to go home. Even still, leaving that hospital empty-handed was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. As I was wheeled to the front doors, I literally struggled to breathe.
Levi has now been in the NICU four days. And again I'm back to waiting.
We've spent the last four days making multiple trips to the hospital (which hasn't moved any closer to our home) each day. Everyday we have to figure out the questions of when should we go and what should we do with the other kids. There's other stuff in life that needs to be done (laundry, grocery shopping, packing to move), but nothing seems as important as being at the hospital with Levi, waiting by his bed, watching him sleep.
And so we wait. We're waiting to hear that his bilirubin has come down. We're waiting to hear that he is digesting food like he's supposed to. We're waiting to hear that he can come home.
When I examine how I'm walking this one out, I see that I have not learned my lesson of how to wait peacefully yet. This is much worse than waiting to hear about a job or about where we might live. And some days, I'm certainly not the picture of faith. But, what else can I do? I cry and I pray. I trust God and tell him how much I want my baby to come home. And then I just wait.
In case this is your first time reading our blog, let me catch you up to speed. We are facing changes in three areas:
- New job
- New home
- New baby
So all summer we've been waiting. Waiting for a job. Waiting for direction. Waiting for August 3rd when our baby would be born. Waiting... waiting...waiting.
After the disappointing news of not getting a job we had hoped for, we regrouped and moved forward. We decided to stay in the area and to pursue moving into a house some good friends of ours had offered. Suddenly, we had focus. THIS was something we could pour our energy into. We had packing and painting to do. We were eager to get things in order before the baby's arrival, and we thought we had plenty of time.
We were wrong.
Tuesday morning, July 19th, (yes, that is 15 days before my August 3rd due date) my water broke. I had not even packed a bag. After so many days of Steven and I being together all the time,on this day, he was about 30 minutes away, working on the house. I was a little panicked, but it all worked out. A few hours later, we were thrilled that, at least in one area, our wait was finally was over. Levi James had arrived!
We are flexible people. The early arrival of our son did not throw us off. It is inconvenient that the hospital is 35 minutes from our home, but we expected the inconvenience to only last a couple of days until I came home with the baby. We could handle a couple of days of driving back and forth and solving the puzzle of where the children should go and when.
Everything changed when Levi had to be admitted in the NICU on July 21st, the day we were scheduled to come home. I was discharged; he was not.
Now our situation is not as dire as some other families; we did not leave wondering if our son would live or die. His condition was relatively routine; he just needed more time to be ready to go home. Even still, leaving that hospital empty-handed was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. As I was wheeled to the front doors, I literally struggled to breathe.
Levi has now been in the NICU four days. And again I'm back to waiting.
We've spent the last four days making multiple trips to the hospital (which hasn't moved any closer to our home) each day. Everyday we have to figure out the questions of when should we go and what should we do with the other kids. There's other stuff in life that needs to be done (laundry, grocery shopping, packing to move), but nothing seems as important as being at the hospital with Levi, waiting by his bed, watching him sleep.
And so we wait. We're waiting to hear that his bilirubin has come down. We're waiting to hear that he is digesting food like he's supposed to. We're waiting to hear that he can come home.
When I examine how I'm walking this one out, I see that I have not learned my lesson of how to wait peacefully yet. This is much worse than waiting to hear about a job or about where we might live. And some days, I'm certainly not the picture of faith. But, what else can I do? I cry and I pray. I trust God and tell him how much I want my baby to come home. And then I just wait.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
The Weekend Interview
When we first moved to Dallas two years ago, neither Steven nor I had a job. Since Steven was busy with school, I began applying for all sorts of part-time jobs.
The first job I applied for was an editing position that would utilize my education as an English major. I was surprised that at the first interview I was required to take a three-hour test over word usage, grammar, punctuation and sentence structure. When they called me for a second interview, I could only imagine the level of testing and writing that might be required and decided that job was not for me.
About the same time I applied to be an online website researcher. This interview process entailed several weeks of testing. I would complete one testing module and then receive an email that said, "Congratulations! Please click on the following links for the next tests we would like for you to complete." I would complete those modules only to be asked to do some more. After about 4-6 weeks of testing, I finally got the job.
Since the online researcher position only required about 10 hours a week, I also applied to be a tutor. It was only 3-5 hours a week, but it paid well, and it gave me a chance to teach. The application process, however, turned out to be extremely long. Some parts of the process were expensive: for example, I had to get a Texas driver's license which required us to re-title our car. Other parts of the process were tedious: I needed a back-ground check which was simply a matter of filling out a form and getting fingerprinted. However, I inadvertently wrote my social security number incorrectly, so my 1-week wait time on my background check took six weeks. In the midst of it I wondered, "Is this 3-5 hour a week job worth all of this?" Finally, however, after two months of processing, I was finally able to start tutoring.
So, I'm not really unfamiliar with long hiring processes. However, all of those experiences are dwarfed by the process we have gone through more recently.
As you may have read in previous posts, we first applied for a pastoral job a couple of months ago, I think in April. It started out with familiar steps: application, a few follow-up questions. Those were stages one and two. Then Steven was asked a series of important "churchy" questions (stage three). Next he had a phone interview (stage four). And finally we were invited to come for a face-to-face interview (stage five). Of course the church is sifting through many applicants, trying to find the one who is the best fit for the job and the church family, so it takes some time. And it's not something anyone wants to rush into, so I understand that taking your time is important. My patience has been tested with the volume of stress in our lives right now, but I get it.
So last weekend Steven and I drove 630 miles for the interview (we just didn't tell the doctor). Through this whole process, we knew that this church does EVERYTHING with excellence, so we expected no less with the weekend interview. We were not disappointed.
This interview was different than any other interview I've ever been on or even heard of. First of all, the other two candidates for the job were there as well. You might think that there would be lots of competition and tension between the three couples vying for the job, but there wasn't. We found that we all get along quite well. They are great couples. In fact, we're now Facebook friends so we can keep up with each other. But still... you have to admit, that's a little different, right?
We were all put up in a wonderful hotel, and we were given the royal treatment all weekend. Every need we may have had was met before we needed it, and even our personal preferences were catered to. The attention to detail was remarkable.
I think it's really hard to interview for a church because when you're part of a church, it's not just a job. It affects every part of your life and your family's life. It's more important in church staffing to make sure it's a good fit than in any other occupation, I think. So I've often wondered how you can do that when you haven't had a relationship in the past, when you don't know each other at all. Now I know because this church did it so well.
Steven was given a list of assignments to prepare about a week before we arrived. These assignments were an opportunity for them to "see him in action." He had to prepare a message and speak in front of a group, lead a small group discussion, teach a basic doctrine class and lead a brainstorming session. We also were put in several interview settings where eight different people were given a chance to ask us interview questions one-on-one. We also ate and spent time with different church leaders, and they even provided social times for us to just hang-out. And finally we were able to serve in different areas of the church during service times. After all of that, I think they know us pretty well!
We don't yet know if we are the ones who are the best fit for the job or not. We hope we are, but we met the other candidates, and we know what high-caliber people they are. But there are a few things we do know.
We know:
So, now we go back to waiting, but only until tomorrow. We're praying for the pastors and staff as they make their decision, knowing that God will certainly direct their thoughts, discussions and final choice. Our fate isn't in their hands, though. We know who's got our backs... and our fronts... and our every side.
The first job I applied for was an editing position that would utilize my education as an English major. I was surprised that at the first interview I was required to take a three-hour test over word usage, grammar, punctuation and sentence structure. When they called me for a second interview, I could only imagine the level of testing and writing that might be required and decided that job was not for me.
About the same time I applied to be an online website researcher. This interview process entailed several weeks of testing. I would complete one testing module and then receive an email that said, "Congratulations! Please click on the following links for the next tests we would like for you to complete." I would complete those modules only to be asked to do some more. After about 4-6 weeks of testing, I finally got the job.
Since the online researcher position only required about 10 hours a week, I also applied to be a tutor. It was only 3-5 hours a week, but it paid well, and it gave me a chance to teach. The application process, however, turned out to be extremely long. Some parts of the process were expensive: for example, I had to get a Texas driver's license which required us to re-title our car. Other parts of the process were tedious: I needed a back-ground check which was simply a matter of filling out a form and getting fingerprinted. However, I inadvertently wrote my social security number incorrectly, so my 1-week wait time on my background check took six weeks. In the midst of it I wondered, "Is this 3-5 hour a week job worth all of this?" Finally, however, after two months of processing, I was finally able to start tutoring.
So, I'm not really unfamiliar with long hiring processes. However, all of those experiences are dwarfed by the process we have gone through more recently.
As you may have read in previous posts, we first applied for a pastoral job a couple of months ago, I think in April. It started out with familiar steps: application, a few follow-up questions. Those were stages one and two. Then Steven was asked a series of important "churchy" questions (stage three). Next he had a phone interview (stage four). And finally we were invited to come for a face-to-face interview (stage five). Of course the church is sifting through many applicants, trying to find the one who is the best fit for the job and the church family, so it takes some time. And it's not something anyone wants to rush into, so I understand that taking your time is important. My patience has been tested with the volume of stress in our lives right now, but I get it.
So last weekend Steven and I drove 630 miles for the interview (we just didn't tell the doctor). Through this whole process, we knew that this church does EVERYTHING with excellence, so we expected no less with the weekend interview. We were not disappointed.
This interview was different than any other interview I've ever been on or even heard of. First of all, the other two candidates for the job were there as well. You might think that there would be lots of competition and tension between the three couples vying for the job, but there wasn't. We found that we all get along quite well. They are great couples. In fact, we're now Facebook friends so we can keep up with each other. But still... you have to admit, that's a little different, right?
We were all put up in a wonderful hotel, and we were given the royal treatment all weekend. Every need we may have had was met before we needed it, and even our personal preferences were catered to. The attention to detail was remarkable.
I think it's really hard to interview for a church because when you're part of a church, it's not just a job. It affects every part of your life and your family's life. It's more important in church staffing to make sure it's a good fit than in any other occupation, I think. So I've often wondered how you can do that when you haven't had a relationship in the past, when you don't know each other at all. Now I know because this church did it so well.
Steven was given a list of assignments to prepare about a week before we arrived. These assignments were an opportunity for them to "see him in action." He had to prepare a message and speak in front of a group, lead a small group discussion, teach a basic doctrine class and lead a brainstorming session. We also were put in several interview settings where eight different people were given a chance to ask us interview questions one-on-one. We also ate and spent time with different church leaders, and they even provided social times for us to just hang-out. And finally we were able to serve in different areas of the church during service times. After all of that, I think they know us pretty well!
We don't yet know if we are the ones who are the best fit for the job or not. We hope we are, but we met the other candidates, and we know what high-caliber people they are. But there are a few things we do know.
We know:
- Whoever the church chooses for this job is high-quality. The other applicants are fantastic.
- We were completely transparent and real. If they choose us, we know that they got as real of a glimpse into who we are as we could give.
- Steven gave his best. In every assignment, he gave his all, and we're happy with his preformance. We don't look back with regret on any answers that we gave or any comments that we made.
- If we're not offered the job, it's because we weren't the right ones for it. There are no regrets or second-guessing. If this isn't for us, God must have something different in mind that's an even better fit. If we don't get it, I'll admit, I'll probably cry; we would love to have this job. But at the end of the day, I know that God has a purpose for having us go through the process, and we'll be okay.
So, now we go back to waiting, but only until tomorrow. We're praying for the pastors and staff as they make their decision, knowing that God will certainly direct their thoughts, discussions and final choice. Our fate isn't in their hands, though. We know who's got our backs... and our fronts... and our every side.
Sarah
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Wait
Our transition can be summed up in one word: WAIT. Next week, things will pick up dramatically. I'll go to the doctor to check my progress (I'll be 36 weeks). As long as there's no head peaking out or anything, we're planning on driving north for an interview on Thursday. The weekend will be packed full of ... something (we haven't been told exactly what yet, but we've been told we'll be busy). Then we'll know if the job is a fit or not, and we'll come home. When we return we should have a plan of what we're doing or at least one thing that we are not doing.
So, I just have one more week to wait. What should I do while I wait?
Option One: Pack
We want to move, so as an act of faith that we will be moving at some point in the near future, I could start packing. But... it sure does seem like a lot of work. It's really hard to bend over and pick things up; I probably shouldn't be lifting anything very heavy. It's just easier to sit with my feet up and try to remember what my ankles used to look like. The packing can wait.
Option Two: Find good deals on the baby stuff we need.
Yes, even though this is our fifth child, there are some baby things we still need (thanks to some sticky-fingered renters who cleaned out our attic when they moved). But... we kind of want to wait to see how this interview goes. You see, if we stay in the area, we might be able to just borrow some stuff from generous friends. If we move, we'll probably need to buy that stuff, but depending on when we move, we may want to wait until we're in a new place. I don't know. Baby's not here yet. The baby stuff can wait.
Option Three: Relax and wait.
This is one I've been going with. I've been spending my days helping my kids reach their summer goals, assigning cleaning detail, laughing at their antics. I've been reading a little, praying a lot. Then I'll sleep a bit, pray a bit more. I'll cook some, pray some more. Some days I'm not mastering the relaxing part because I get myself stressed out by all of my questions.
But, like it or not, I'm getting this waiting thing down.
So, I just have one more week to wait. What should I do while I wait?
Option One: Pack
We want to move, so as an act of faith that we will be moving at some point in the near future, I could start packing. But... it sure does seem like a lot of work. It's really hard to bend over and pick things up; I probably shouldn't be lifting anything very heavy. It's just easier to sit with my feet up and try to remember what my ankles used to look like. The packing can wait.
Option Two: Find good deals on the baby stuff we need.
Yes, even though this is our fifth child, there are some baby things we still need (thanks to some sticky-fingered renters who cleaned out our attic when they moved). But... we kind of want to wait to see how this interview goes. You see, if we stay in the area, we might be able to just borrow some stuff from generous friends. If we move, we'll probably need to buy that stuff, but depending on when we move, we may want to wait until we're in a new place. I don't know. Baby's not here yet. The baby stuff can wait.
Option Three: Relax and wait.
This is one I've been going with. I've been spending my days helping my kids reach their summer goals, assigning cleaning detail, laughing at their antics. I've been reading a little, praying a lot. Then I'll sleep a bit, pray a bit more. I'll cook some, pray some more. Some days I'm not mastering the relaxing part because I get myself stressed out by all of my questions.
But, like it or not, I'm getting this waiting thing down.
Sarah
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The Call
Today we got THE call. Well, maybe not THE call, but The call. This is the call in which we were invited to come to the church for a face-to-face interview. They'll fly us up and put Steven and I up in a hotel! (Can anyone say, "Romantic Getaway?!")
Well, maybe. The weekend we've been invited, I'll be 36 weeks (plus a few days) pregnant. Apparently, that's "full-term." Also APPARENTLY, I'm not supposed to travel. And as a third apparently, I will not likely be allowed to travel without a doctor's note, which he's not super-excited to give.
Now, none of my other children came early, but you never know with my advanced maternal age and all.
We're very excited with the prospect and are currently trying to adjust interview plans and dates without being too difficult to work with. Surely they'll understand, right?
I can't help but point out a few things to God, though.
"You know, God, this wouldn't have been an issue if You had let this process move a bit faster. A couple of months ago, I would have been a good traveler... nay an EXCEPTIONAL traveler. We wouldn't have had issues with summer camp schedules and such. Not to mention all the stress this long process has caused. Not that I'm not grateful, because I am. I'm so thankful that we have this opportunity and that we'll know soon if this is a good fit or not! I'm just saying, we could have avoided a lot of frustration, stress and tears if the timetable could have been moved just 8 short weeks earlier. I know You're never late, but You sure do like to make for some last-minute excitement."
Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, though. Throughout the Bible, our God is a God who has a flair for the dramatic. And maybe the journey, including all the frustration, stress and tears, was the point all along.
Well, maybe. The weekend we've been invited, I'll be 36 weeks (plus a few days) pregnant. Apparently, that's "full-term." Also APPARENTLY, I'm not supposed to travel. And as a third apparently, I will not likely be allowed to travel without a doctor's note, which he's not super-excited to give.
Now, none of my other children came early, but you never know with my advanced maternal age and all.
We're very excited with the prospect and are currently trying to adjust interview plans and dates without being too difficult to work with. Surely they'll understand, right?
I can't help but point out a few things to God, though.
"You know, God, this wouldn't have been an issue if You had let this process move a bit faster. A couple of months ago, I would have been a good traveler... nay an EXCEPTIONAL traveler. We wouldn't have had issues with summer camp schedules and such. Not to mention all the stress this long process has caused. Not that I'm not grateful, because I am. I'm so thankful that we have this opportunity and that we'll know soon if this is a good fit or not! I'm just saying, we could have avoided a lot of frustration, stress and tears if the timetable could have been moved just 8 short weeks earlier. I know You're never late, but You sure do like to make for some last-minute excitement."
Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, though. Throughout the Bible, our God is a God who has a flair for the dramatic. And maybe the journey, including all the frustration, stress and tears, was the point all along.
Sarah
Monday, June 20, 2011
Please Be My Strength
Sometimes there is just a song that pretty much sums it up. This is one of those times.
Sarah
Thursday, June 16, 2011
The Worst Part
Waiting is the worst part. Or maybe not knowing is the worst part. Either way, this stinks.
Yeah, waiting AND not knowing are definitely the worst parts.
Still no change on the securing a job thing or on the moving thing or on the naming the baby thing that I discussed in a previous post. However, things are progressing, and it appears we will have a bit more clarity soon. We believe we may even have some answers within the next two weeks (not on the baby name, but on the other two).
A few days ago, we learned that Steven has advanced to what seems to be the final stages of the hiring process at a church. We started down this path months ago, and it is exciting that it's finally winding down. As this end approaches, however, I have mixed emotions.
The competitive part of me wants to win. I want Steven to rise to the top of all the applicants and get the prize, be the champ. (I'm not claiming this is a righteous part of me; I'm just being honest.) Additionally, there's a part of me that wants the security this job seems to offer. We would have a steady income and know what part of the country we would be moving to. A job and an narrowed area for us to live. Sounds ideal!
Of course, I have to think everything through. I have to ask, "I wonder how soon they would want us?" "Would we move before the baby is born or wait until after?" "When would we look for a house?" "Which would be worse: moving across the country while 9 months pregnant or moving across the country with a newborn?" Understandably, Steven tires of my questions.
Then there's the other part of me. The part that wonders, what if we don't get it? What if there's another applicant who is just as perfect for the job as Steven, and they decide to go with him instead? What if they tell us, "No."? Then what?
I've been putting this one job as THE possibility that is in front of us. What will I do if this door closes? Suddenly, our backup plan looks a bit anemic. It actually looks a little scary. I know I will still hope in the Lord, but what does that look like? Do we keep looking for a ministry job or just settle for whatever we can get? Should we move into a rental house in the Dallas area and assume we'll be here for a bit longer, or do we continue to be in this transitional mindset we've been enduring for the past months/years? I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.
Sarah
Monday, June 13, 2011
Hope
A few days ago, I had the following thought going through my head: "Those whose hope is in the Lord will not be put to shame."
I'm no Bible scholar, but I thought it seemed like something that was probably in the Bible. (Those of you who ARE Bible scholars have permission to roll your eyes and shake your head in dismay.) The thought wouldn't go away, so I decided to look it up and see if it was in there. Sure enough. There it was:
"No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame." (Psalm 25:3)
It wasn't worded exactly the way it was going through my brain, but it was close enough to make me think that maybe the Lord was giving me something to hold on to, a promise that He wants me to remember in this time.
I've continued to mull this over in such a way that a Bible scholar might say I'm actually meditating on it. I asked myself, "Is my hope REALLY in the Lord?"
There are lots of things that I can say I hope for. I hope this baby comes early and in one push. I hope our next house is the perfect size, one where we can open the dishwasher and the refrigerator at the same time if we want. I hope our next vehicle has air conditioning so cold, we get goose bumps and have to turn it down. But I don't really have my hope IN those things. They're just things I'm hoping for, almost like a wish list.
That's different than my hope for our future, and this is where it gets trickier.
Steven is currently in the application process with a couple of different churches, one we are particularly hopeful about. The danger I face is putting my hope in that job or in that church, thinking that they are the ones who are determining our future, rather than remembering that the Lord is the one in charge of our destiny.
I know it may seem like it's just semantics, but it's a real issue to me. It's hard to remember in tough times that no job or individual is my provider. I may have to keep reminding myself of that, especially as seemingly bad news comes or setbacks occur. When disappointments come, I may have to refocus that hope; it's easy to let hope in something else uproot my hope in the Lord.
But, as of today, anyway, my hope is in the Lord. He's not going to let us be put to shame.
By the way, if you are in a situation similar to ours, the rest of Psalm 25 is loaded with good stuff. You should take a look at it... maybe even meditate a bit.
Sarah
Steven here.
As a husband and father, the issue of trusting the Lord for provision strikes me a little differently than it does Sarah. (Pardon my dangling modifier) I view myself as the one who bares responsibility to provide for my family. After all, I'm the man of the house, and it is my God-given duty to do whatever I need to do to make sure my wife and kids have the shelter, food, clothing and chocolate they need.
Now with this last point, some may disagree. You may have issue with the whole man-of-the-house thing, or you may have issue with the God-given duty thing. If so, let me put it in a way I believe even the most "progressive" person will understand my view, if not agree with it.
I am a (fairly) healthy, (somewhat) intelligent, socially-adjusted man, who has recently acquired a Bachelors degree (cum laude, I might add). Moreover, many years ago I vowed before God to love, and provide for my wife. Therefore, if I were to sit around ignoring our bills and tummy grumblings, would not even the most socialist minded person consider me worthless. Even if one's ideology said this behavior is acceptable, their personal opinion of me would be some degree of scorn.
So the issue to me is not a question of my sense of responsibility nor is it a lack of desire. Believe me, after staying at home with four kids for the last 10 months, I'm ready to get out and work. I mean easy work like roofing, digging ditches, managing teenagers at McDonalds, running a multi-billion dollar international business, anything easier than being a stay-at-home dad. The issue for me is finding that place of balance between me doing my part and trusting God to do His. Yes, I'm provider for my family. But wait! Isn't God the provider for my family? Of course He is. So does that mean I'm not the provider? No. Well... yes and no. Yes, God is the provider and No, that doesn't mean I'm not the one who should provide. Am I making this too complicated? Of course I am.
There are nuances to my particular situation that most men probably don't deal with, but in general I suppose that most unemployed family men struggle with the same dilemma. I.e., should I apply for and accept a job that I know I'll hate and that won't pay enough to make ends meet or should I stay unemployed and hold out for a position that actually suits me? It's a tough place and I know that men with faith in God as well as those without faith in God are both experiencing this. Personally, I can't imagine going through this without faith. For it is God who is my hope, and with or without a job, I will not be put to shame.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
My To-Do List
The setting of our story is Dallas, Texas. Our family is currently living in a 1200 square foot apartment in Oak Cliff (which, for those of you not familiar with the area, would be considered "the wrong side of the tracks"). Our four children share one room, Steven and I share another, and we use the third room for homeschooling. Two bodies can fit in our kitchen if we position ourselves correctly, and we all scrunch together on one couch to watch TV. Needless to say, it's a little cramped. We would really like to move soon. Especially since there's a baby on the way.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that. This is one thing we are sure of: in about 7 weeks, we will add another baby to our family, and we couldn't be happier. Unfortunately, his arrival is the only thing we are certain of. We don't know his name; we don't know where he will sleep (recall aforementioned sleeping arrangements); we don't even know where he will sit on the way home from the hospital (I assume he will sit in a car seat, but we don't yet have said car seat). I guess I should add those to my to-do list.
To-Do List:
- Name the baby.
- Find a crib.
- Find a place to put a crib.
- Get a car seat.
Again, a slight detail I may have left out. Steven has been going to school for the last couple of years in order to finish his degree. I have been teaching high school geometry in the meantime. We are really not that progressive of a family, though, to have me bring home the bacon and have Steven fry it up in a pan (in addition to homeschooling our three school-aged children). So, now that he's graduated, we're ready to switch back. I will change from being a full-time teacher to a stay-at-home mom. Steven will change from being a stay-at-home dad to a full-time... yet to be determined. We have a few prospects, but nothing sure yet. A few more items for my list...
5. Find a job for Steven.
6. Pack up all of our belongings.
7. Move (possibly across the country or just across town -- be ready for anything)
That pretty much sums it up. A simple 7-step process. What have I been worrying about, anyway?
Sarah
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