by Steven
Did you see the movie, Meet The Parents? Remember Greg Focker's (Ben Stiller) nervous attempts to overcome all his insecurities in the face of his potential in-laws? Though I found the movie to be hilarious, it was painful and frustrating to watch Greg be so misunderstood and unfairly measured. However, this post has very little connection with that movie, but I needed an opening paragraph.
Let's try again.
You know the expression, "married up"? It implies that one partner married a person who is better than they are. "Better" might mean further up the line in the realm of good looks, money, intelligence, social standing, or simply in an overall sense - better. Well, I believe that my wife, Sarah, definitely married up when she married me.
At least, that's how she makes me feel. In reality, everyone else knows (including me) that I'm the one who married up. Sarah has the beauty and grace of a princess, the intelligence of a genius, and the wealth of a... Okay, I'll admit that we both were pretty even in the area of financial assets; lower middle class sums up both our histories. The point is, my girl is downright stinkin' great.
When Sarah and I went to Missouri last weekend for my interview, it was a very unique circumstance. For other types of jobs, the spouse isn't part of the sizing up process. Microsoft and Toyota do not care if the executive's spouses get along with your spouse. What does it matter to Bell Corporation if your wife is amiable and favorable toward the company? But when a local church hires a pastor, they care very deeply about such things, and should. So when Sarah was invited by the church to join me last weekend, it wasn't just so that I would have a cuddle buddy at night. They wanted to interview her as well, even though they would only be hiring me.
During the process, something wonderful shone - something that I was already well aware of, but don't always get to see with such clarity. Last weekend I got a great view of how good Sarah makes me look. And that made me appreciate her as my spouse in a fresh, new way.
Some may not like to think this is true, but our spouses reflect us. The way they interact socially with others, their sense of humor, the manner in which they dress, eat, walk and speak - to some extent it all says something about who we are. Being aware of this, I had no hesitation or the slightest apprehension about Sarah being with me on my interview. In fact, I figured that she would make me look better than I really am. What confidence she gave me, knowing that nothing about her would be embarrassing to me. Moreover, I knew that however she represented me, it would be true to who I am - who we are.
Perhaps that is the number one reason why, in spite of not getting the job, I can walk with my head high. That is, I know that I was represented by the two people on earth who know me best- me and my lovely wife, and we represented myself with authenticity and integrity. The fact that the church didn't hire me is really beside the point. Knowing the high quality and character of Sarah makes me feel like I married up, all the while she keeps treating me like she's the one who married up.
And that's one of the very cool parts of our marriage. Both of us function under the illusion that we married up. She found a stud beyond her pedigree and I found a babe way out of my league. And 'til death do us part, we have each other.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Killed By Anticipation
I was never fanatic about paintball, as some are. But I did enjoy playing it when I could - years ago. I loved the thrill of hunting down my enemies and the satisfaction of "killing" them before being shot myself. In this game of Hide and Seek that my friends and I would engage in, there was one aspect I never got accustomed to, one part of the game that racked my nerves. That is, I hated waiting. Sure, I enjoyed searching for opposing combatants. I even enjoyed finding and maneuvering into the perfect hiding place. But once I was in position, I couldn't stand the wait. No matter how hidden or covered, I always felt so vulnerable. After mere seconds I would get antsy and restless. I thought for sure that the enemies knew my spot and were just messing with my head for a while before they would sneak up and splatter me with paint. Yep, that was my downfall. I would usually end up stirring and eventually leaving my place, only then making myself a real target. Oh well, it was only a game.
Of course, in real life I don't like waiting much either. Especially when I feel that I'm just waiting for something bad to happen - like being shot. Game Over.
Most recently, however, I haven't been waiting for something bad to happen. I've been anticipating something great to happen. This job that my wife and I interviewed for last weekend was a very exciting prospect. For us, this potential opportunity has been so much more than just a steady source of income (although that was a part of it). I have never seen a church like this one. The staff culture, the values and vision, the high caliber of excellence mixed with mercy were just a few of the qualities that appealed to my wife and I. We thought we were a good fit for this small-group pastoral position. Moreover, it was in the St. Louis area of Missouri (close to much-loved family) and the timing couldn't have been more perfect. But lo, it was not meant to be. I received a phone call this morning from the Executive Pastor expressing his gratitude for our willingness to go through the extensive interview process, "but we've decided to go in a different direction," he said. And with those words, I knew that what seemed to be a God-door had just closed on our noses.
This news is very fresh and still stings so I will spare everyone from rants and useless venting. Nevertheless, I wanted to inform those who have been tracking our blog of the results of our weekend, but also express some thoughts and feelings that I hope transcend the initial letdown.
First, we know that God is good and faithful. We are still His children and He is still our Heavenly Father who is in control; He is the Lord of our path.
Second, we still admire the church that happens to be the source of our immediate disappointment. We said all along that we were learning stuff from them and that with or without a job offer we have no regrets.
Last (for now), we know that we have so many great family members and friends that have been praying for us and are walking through this season with us - even feeling our sorrow today in light of this morning's news. For you, we are so grateful to God. Thanks for your love and friendship.
So here we are again- waiting. And though it certainly doesn't always seem or feel like it, we know that God is waiting with us; He is near.
Of course, in real life I don't like waiting much either. Especially when I feel that I'm just waiting for something bad to happen - like being shot. Game Over.
Most recently, however, I haven't been waiting for something bad to happen. I've been anticipating something great to happen. This job that my wife and I interviewed for last weekend was a very exciting prospect. For us, this potential opportunity has been so much more than just a steady source of income (although that was a part of it). I have never seen a church like this one. The staff culture, the values and vision, the high caliber of excellence mixed with mercy were just a few of the qualities that appealed to my wife and I. We thought we were a good fit for this small-group pastoral position. Moreover, it was in the St. Louis area of Missouri (close to much-loved family) and the timing couldn't have been more perfect. But lo, it was not meant to be. I received a phone call this morning from the Executive Pastor expressing his gratitude for our willingness to go through the extensive interview process, "but we've decided to go in a different direction," he said. And with those words, I knew that what seemed to be a God-door had just closed on our noses.
This news is very fresh and still stings so I will spare everyone from rants and useless venting. Nevertheless, I wanted to inform those who have been tracking our blog of the results of our weekend, but also express some thoughts and feelings that I hope transcend the initial letdown.
First, we know that God is good and faithful. We are still His children and He is still our Heavenly Father who is in control; He is the Lord of our path.
Second, we still admire the church that happens to be the source of our immediate disappointment. We said all along that we were learning stuff from them and that with or without a job offer we have no regrets.
Last (for now), we know that we have so many great family members and friends that have been praying for us and are walking through this season with us - even feeling our sorrow today in light of this morning's news. For you, we are so grateful to God. Thanks for your love and friendship.
So here we are again- waiting. And though it certainly doesn't always seem or feel like it, we know that God is waiting with us; He is near.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
The Weekend Interview
When we first moved to Dallas two years ago, neither Steven nor I had a job. Since Steven was busy with school, I began applying for all sorts of part-time jobs.
The first job I applied for was an editing position that would utilize my education as an English major. I was surprised that at the first interview I was required to take a three-hour test over word usage, grammar, punctuation and sentence structure. When they called me for a second interview, I could only imagine the level of testing and writing that might be required and decided that job was not for me.
About the same time I applied to be an online website researcher. This interview process entailed several weeks of testing. I would complete one testing module and then receive an email that said, "Congratulations! Please click on the following links for the next tests we would like for you to complete." I would complete those modules only to be asked to do some more. After about 4-6 weeks of testing, I finally got the job.
Since the online researcher position only required about 10 hours a week, I also applied to be a tutor. It was only 3-5 hours a week, but it paid well, and it gave me a chance to teach. The application process, however, turned out to be extremely long. Some parts of the process were expensive: for example, I had to get a Texas driver's license which required us to re-title our car. Other parts of the process were tedious: I needed a back-ground check which was simply a matter of filling out a form and getting fingerprinted. However, I inadvertently wrote my social security number incorrectly, so my 1-week wait time on my background check took six weeks. In the midst of it I wondered, "Is this 3-5 hour a week job worth all of this?" Finally, however, after two months of processing, I was finally able to start tutoring.
So, I'm not really unfamiliar with long hiring processes. However, all of those experiences are dwarfed by the process we have gone through more recently.
As you may have read in previous posts, we first applied for a pastoral job a couple of months ago, I think in April. It started out with familiar steps: application, a few follow-up questions. Those were stages one and two. Then Steven was asked a series of important "churchy" questions (stage three). Next he had a phone interview (stage four). And finally we were invited to come for a face-to-face interview (stage five). Of course the church is sifting through many applicants, trying to find the one who is the best fit for the job and the church family, so it takes some time. And it's not something anyone wants to rush into, so I understand that taking your time is important. My patience has been tested with the volume of stress in our lives right now, but I get it.
So last weekend Steven and I drove 630 miles for the interview (we just didn't tell the doctor). Through this whole process, we knew that this church does EVERYTHING with excellence, so we expected no less with the weekend interview. We were not disappointed.
This interview was different than any other interview I've ever been on or even heard of. First of all, the other two candidates for the job were there as well. You might think that there would be lots of competition and tension between the three couples vying for the job, but there wasn't. We found that we all get along quite well. They are great couples. In fact, we're now Facebook friends so we can keep up with each other. But still... you have to admit, that's a little different, right?
We were all put up in a wonderful hotel, and we were given the royal treatment all weekend. Every need we may have had was met before we needed it, and even our personal preferences were catered to. The attention to detail was remarkable.
I think it's really hard to interview for a church because when you're part of a church, it's not just a job. It affects every part of your life and your family's life. It's more important in church staffing to make sure it's a good fit than in any other occupation, I think. So I've often wondered how you can do that when you haven't had a relationship in the past, when you don't know each other at all. Now I know because this church did it so well.
Steven was given a list of assignments to prepare about a week before we arrived. These assignments were an opportunity for them to "see him in action." He had to prepare a message and speak in front of a group, lead a small group discussion, teach a basic doctrine class and lead a brainstorming session. We also were put in several interview settings where eight different people were given a chance to ask us interview questions one-on-one. We also ate and spent time with different church leaders, and they even provided social times for us to just hang-out. And finally we were able to serve in different areas of the church during service times. After all of that, I think they know us pretty well!
We don't yet know if we are the ones who are the best fit for the job or not. We hope we are, but we met the other candidates, and we know what high-caliber people they are. But there are a few things we do know.
We know:
So, now we go back to waiting, but only until tomorrow. We're praying for the pastors and staff as they make their decision, knowing that God will certainly direct their thoughts, discussions and final choice. Our fate isn't in their hands, though. We know who's got our backs... and our fronts... and our every side.
The first job I applied for was an editing position that would utilize my education as an English major. I was surprised that at the first interview I was required to take a three-hour test over word usage, grammar, punctuation and sentence structure. When they called me for a second interview, I could only imagine the level of testing and writing that might be required and decided that job was not for me.
About the same time I applied to be an online website researcher. This interview process entailed several weeks of testing. I would complete one testing module and then receive an email that said, "Congratulations! Please click on the following links for the next tests we would like for you to complete." I would complete those modules only to be asked to do some more. After about 4-6 weeks of testing, I finally got the job.
Since the online researcher position only required about 10 hours a week, I also applied to be a tutor. It was only 3-5 hours a week, but it paid well, and it gave me a chance to teach. The application process, however, turned out to be extremely long. Some parts of the process were expensive: for example, I had to get a Texas driver's license which required us to re-title our car. Other parts of the process were tedious: I needed a back-ground check which was simply a matter of filling out a form and getting fingerprinted. However, I inadvertently wrote my social security number incorrectly, so my 1-week wait time on my background check took six weeks. In the midst of it I wondered, "Is this 3-5 hour a week job worth all of this?" Finally, however, after two months of processing, I was finally able to start tutoring.
So, I'm not really unfamiliar with long hiring processes. However, all of those experiences are dwarfed by the process we have gone through more recently.
As you may have read in previous posts, we first applied for a pastoral job a couple of months ago, I think in April. It started out with familiar steps: application, a few follow-up questions. Those were stages one and two. Then Steven was asked a series of important "churchy" questions (stage three). Next he had a phone interview (stage four). And finally we were invited to come for a face-to-face interview (stage five). Of course the church is sifting through many applicants, trying to find the one who is the best fit for the job and the church family, so it takes some time. And it's not something anyone wants to rush into, so I understand that taking your time is important. My patience has been tested with the volume of stress in our lives right now, but I get it.
So last weekend Steven and I drove 630 miles for the interview (we just didn't tell the doctor). Through this whole process, we knew that this church does EVERYTHING with excellence, so we expected no less with the weekend interview. We were not disappointed.
This interview was different than any other interview I've ever been on or even heard of. First of all, the other two candidates for the job were there as well. You might think that there would be lots of competition and tension between the three couples vying for the job, but there wasn't. We found that we all get along quite well. They are great couples. In fact, we're now Facebook friends so we can keep up with each other. But still... you have to admit, that's a little different, right?
We were all put up in a wonderful hotel, and we were given the royal treatment all weekend. Every need we may have had was met before we needed it, and even our personal preferences were catered to. The attention to detail was remarkable.
I think it's really hard to interview for a church because when you're part of a church, it's not just a job. It affects every part of your life and your family's life. It's more important in church staffing to make sure it's a good fit than in any other occupation, I think. So I've often wondered how you can do that when you haven't had a relationship in the past, when you don't know each other at all. Now I know because this church did it so well.
Steven was given a list of assignments to prepare about a week before we arrived. These assignments were an opportunity for them to "see him in action." He had to prepare a message and speak in front of a group, lead a small group discussion, teach a basic doctrine class and lead a brainstorming session. We also were put in several interview settings where eight different people were given a chance to ask us interview questions one-on-one. We also ate and spent time with different church leaders, and they even provided social times for us to just hang-out. And finally we were able to serve in different areas of the church during service times. After all of that, I think they know us pretty well!
We don't yet know if we are the ones who are the best fit for the job or not. We hope we are, but we met the other candidates, and we know what high-caliber people they are. But there are a few things we do know.
We know:
- Whoever the church chooses for this job is high-quality. The other applicants are fantastic.
- We were completely transparent and real. If they choose us, we know that they got as real of a glimpse into who we are as we could give.
- Steven gave his best. In every assignment, he gave his all, and we're happy with his preformance. We don't look back with regret on any answers that we gave or any comments that we made.
- If we're not offered the job, it's because we weren't the right ones for it. There are no regrets or second-guessing. If this isn't for us, God must have something different in mind that's an even better fit. If we don't get it, I'll admit, I'll probably cry; we would love to have this job. But at the end of the day, I know that God has a purpose for having us go through the process, and we'll be okay.
So, now we go back to waiting, but only until tomorrow. We're praying for the pastors and staff as they make their decision, knowing that God will certainly direct their thoughts, discussions and final choice. Our fate isn't in their hands, though. We know who's got our backs... and our fronts... and our every side.
Sarah
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Wait
Our transition can be summed up in one word: WAIT. Next week, things will pick up dramatically. I'll go to the doctor to check my progress (I'll be 36 weeks). As long as there's no head peaking out or anything, we're planning on driving north for an interview on Thursday. The weekend will be packed full of ... something (we haven't been told exactly what yet, but we've been told we'll be busy). Then we'll know if the job is a fit or not, and we'll come home. When we return we should have a plan of what we're doing or at least one thing that we are not doing.
So, I just have one more week to wait. What should I do while I wait?
Option One: Pack
We want to move, so as an act of faith that we will be moving at some point in the near future, I could start packing. But... it sure does seem like a lot of work. It's really hard to bend over and pick things up; I probably shouldn't be lifting anything very heavy. It's just easier to sit with my feet up and try to remember what my ankles used to look like. The packing can wait.
Option Two: Find good deals on the baby stuff we need.
Yes, even though this is our fifth child, there are some baby things we still need (thanks to some sticky-fingered renters who cleaned out our attic when they moved). But... we kind of want to wait to see how this interview goes. You see, if we stay in the area, we might be able to just borrow some stuff from generous friends. If we move, we'll probably need to buy that stuff, but depending on when we move, we may want to wait until we're in a new place. I don't know. Baby's not here yet. The baby stuff can wait.
Option Three: Relax and wait.
This is one I've been going with. I've been spending my days helping my kids reach their summer goals, assigning cleaning detail, laughing at their antics. I've been reading a little, praying a lot. Then I'll sleep a bit, pray a bit more. I'll cook some, pray some more. Some days I'm not mastering the relaxing part because I get myself stressed out by all of my questions.
But, like it or not, I'm getting this waiting thing down.
So, I just have one more week to wait. What should I do while I wait?
Option One: Pack
We want to move, so as an act of faith that we will be moving at some point in the near future, I could start packing. But... it sure does seem like a lot of work. It's really hard to bend over and pick things up; I probably shouldn't be lifting anything very heavy. It's just easier to sit with my feet up and try to remember what my ankles used to look like. The packing can wait.
Option Two: Find good deals on the baby stuff we need.
Yes, even though this is our fifth child, there are some baby things we still need (thanks to some sticky-fingered renters who cleaned out our attic when they moved). But... we kind of want to wait to see how this interview goes. You see, if we stay in the area, we might be able to just borrow some stuff from generous friends. If we move, we'll probably need to buy that stuff, but depending on when we move, we may want to wait until we're in a new place. I don't know. Baby's not here yet. The baby stuff can wait.
Option Three: Relax and wait.
This is one I've been going with. I've been spending my days helping my kids reach their summer goals, assigning cleaning detail, laughing at their antics. I've been reading a little, praying a lot. Then I'll sleep a bit, pray a bit more. I'll cook some, pray some more. Some days I'm not mastering the relaxing part because I get myself stressed out by all of my questions.
But, like it or not, I'm getting this waiting thing down.
Sarah
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Major Life Decisions
by Steven
When it comes to making major life decisions (MLDs), how do you determine the best course of action? For the purposes of this writing I define a "major life decision" as a decision that will impact more than just yourself and that once done, will be costly, difficult, or impossible to completely undo. Some examples are: relocating to a new city, changing jobs, offering (or saying yes to) a marriage proposal, deciding to try to get pregnant or adopt, or taking a sizable financial risk.
Do you ask others for input? Do you write a list of pros and cons? Do you let circumstances decide for you. Do you talk it out with your spouse and make a decision together? Do you seek for the influence of a "higher power"?
I have observed that many people in the Christian community tend to spiritualize decisions, especially big ones, and make them more difficult than they need to be. I include myself in that lot. I sometimes wish that I viewed life as merely pragmatic. Making decisions would be easier if they all boiled down to the practical and economic realities in play.
For me, however, there's always been more to it than simply weighing the pros against the cons. There's been a deeply-rooted belief in me that tells me that my choices aren't totally my own to make. I have been governed by a conviction that says not every good opportunity is the best or even the right opportunity. I have believed that God, Himself, has a say in my journey, and I need to voluntarily acknowledge His right to direct me. Even still, I probably make it much harder than it needs to be.
Did Jesus ever wonder what the will of His Father was? Did He go through times of waiting, just waiting, with no clear direction from Heaven?
I remember my dad long ago pointing me to a verse in Colossians. The verse tells us to let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts. My dad said that to let the peace of Christ rule means to let God's peace act like an umpire in my life. In other words, if you don't have internal peace about something, don't go that way.
So that is how I have made my decisions; I've searched internally, long and hard at times, until I can determine if God's peace is in the matter or not. And I have no regrets regarding who I married, or my geographic relocations from FL to TX to MO to TX to ???, or my decision to shave my chest. Indeed, the peace of God has led me well; and it will continue to do so, I'm sure.
What about you?
When it comes to making major life decisions (MLDs), how do you determine the best course of action? For the purposes of this writing I define a "major life decision" as a decision that will impact more than just yourself and that once done, will be costly, difficult, or impossible to completely undo. Some examples are: relocating to a new city, changing jobs, offering (or saying yes to) a marriage proposal, deciding to try to get pregnant or adopt, or taking a sizable financial risk.
Do you ask others for input? Do you write a list of pros and cons? Do you let circumstances decide for you. Do you talk it out with your spouse and make a decision together? Do you seek for the influence of a "higher power"?
I have observed that many people in the Christian community tend to spiritualize decisions, especially big ones, and make them more difficult than they need to be. I include myself in that lot. I sometimes wish that I viewed life as merely pragmatic. Making decisions would be easier if they all boiled down to the practical and economic realities in play.
For me, however, there's always been more to it than simply weighing the pros against the cons. There's been a deeply-rooted belief in me that tells me that my choices aren't totally my own to make. I have been governed by a conviction that says not every good opportunity is the best or even the right opportunity. I have believed that God, Himself, has a say in my journey, and I need to voluntarily acknowledge His right to direct me. Even still, I probably make it much harder than it needs to be.
Did Jesus ever wonder what the will of His Father was? Did He go through times of waiting, just waiting, with no clear direction from Heaven?
I remember my dad long ago pointing me to a verse in Colossians. The verse tells us to let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts. My dad said that to let the peace of Christ rule means to let God's peace act like an umpire in my life. In other words, if you don't have internal peace about something, don't go that way.
So that is how I have made my decisions; I've searched internally, long and hard at times, until I can determine if God's peace is in the matter or not. And I have no regrets regarding who I married, or my geographic relocations from FL to TX to MO to TX to ???, or my decision to shave my chest. Indeed, the peace of God has led me well; and it will continue to do so, I'm sure.
What about you?
The Call
Today we got THE call. Well, maybe not THE call, but The call. This is the call in which we were invited to come to the church for a face-to-face interview. They'll fly us up and put Steven and I up in a hotel! (Can anyone say, "Romantic Getaway?!")
Well, maybe. The weekend we've been invited, I'll be 36 weeks (plus a few days) pregnant. Apparently, that's "full-term." Also APPARENTLY, I'm not supposed to travel. And as a third apparently, I will not likely be allowed to travel without a doctor's note, which he's not super-excited to give.
Now, none of my other children came early, but you never know with my advanced maternal age and all.
We're very excited with the prospect and are currently trying to adjust interview plans and dates without being too difficult to work with. Surely they'll understand, right?
I can't help but point out a few things to God, though.
"You know, God, this wouldn't have been an issue if You had let this process move a bit faster. A couple of months ago, I would have been a good traveler... nay an EXCEPTIONAL traveler. We wouldn't have had issues with summer camp schedules and such. Not to mention all the stress this long process has caused. Not that I'm not grateful, because I am. I'm so thankful that we have this opportunity and that we'll know soon if this is a good fit or not! I'm just saying, we could have avoided a lot of frustration, stress and tears if the timetable could have been moved just 8 short weeks earlier. I know You're never late, but You sure do like to make for some last-minute excitement."
Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, though. Throughout the Bible, our God is a God who has a flair for the dramatic. And maybe the journey, including all the frustration, stress and tears, was the point all along.
Well, maybe. The weekend we've been invited, I'll be 36 weeks (plus a few days) pregnant. Apparently, that's "full-term." Also APPARENTLY, I'm not supposed to travel. And as a third apparently, I will not likely be allowed to travel without a doctor's note, which he's not super-excited to give.
Now, none of my other children came early, but you never know with my advanced maternal age and all.
We're very excited with the prospect and are currently trying to adjust interview plans and dates without being too difficult to work with. Surely they'll understand, right?
I can't help but point out a few things to God, though.
"You know, God, this wouldn't have been an issue if You had let this process move a bit faster. A couple of months ago, I would have been a good traveler... nay an EXCEPTIONAL traveler. We wouldn't have had issues with summer camp schedules and such. Not to mention all the stress this long process has caused. Not that I'm not grateful, because I am. I'm so thankful that we have this opportunity and that we'll know soon if this is a good fit or not! I'm just saying, we could have avoided a lot of frustration, stress and tears if the timetable could have been moved just 8 short weeks earlier. I know You're never late, but You sure do like to make for some last-minute excitement."
Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, though. Throughout the Bible, our God is a God who has a flair for the dramatic. And maybe the journey, including all the frustration, stress and tears, was the point all along.
Sarah
Monday, June 20, 2011
Please Be My Strength
Sometimes there is just a song that pretty much sums it up. This is one of those times.
Sarah
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